My Ultimate Address

I have thought sometimes about the final destination of my body after life leaves it. I honestly would not want to be placed in a coffin to be consumed by voracious bacteria and, one day, having my bones stored in a small urn inside a tomb for all eternity.

I prefer the cremation after removal of all organs still useful to others. In this case, the problem would be what to do with the ashes. I’d hate to be in an urn on a bookcase shelf.  Imagine if someone has an attack of insanity, like Keith Richards, and sniffs me!

I am a fanatic supporter of a Brazilian soccer team, Internacional from Porto Alegre city. It would be great to have the field of International’s stadium as receiver of the minerals from my carcass. However, I believe that the club board would not allow this procedure. After all how many fans will wish the same fate? Silly superstitions of soccer are other negative aspect. If the team start to lose, I will be labeled as the “unlucky dead”, responsible by the suffering of “Red Nation”. On the other hand, if Internacional gain a major championship in the first year, I would have the status of a saint. Who knows?If we build a special house or at least find one, my ashes could be incorporated into the soil of its garden. Imagine being recycled and turning vegetable, fruit or greens? I do not think a good idea! There would always be comments like:

– This orange is acidic!

– Hey, the orange tree was fertilized by whom? How could it be different?

Please, just do not complain that the chayote is tasteless, because there will not be my fault! It remains the alternative of turning flower, but it will generate snide comments. Then I will turn non-fruitful tree or shrub…

Sometimes I think the best would go straight back to the earth, avoiding work for others to make “final disposal” of my remains. If ever this post has some importance in the world, maybe someone might say one day:

– Damn it! This guy screwed up…

Para versão em português, clique aqui.